January 1st, 2020

This day feels like it has so much riding on it. So much potential. The start of a new year. A new decade. The opportunity for fresh beginnings. I find myself simultaneously inspired and overwhelmed. My mind swims with all the ideas, inspiration, plans, to-dos, lists, dreams, hopes, fears, needs, wants, goals. Everything crowds my mental space and competes for priority. I’ve just barely gotten my head to stop spinning and my feet back under me after the wonderful whirlwind of Christmas. January is a time for reflection and organization for me. A time to gather up the chaos of my thoughts and pull out some clarity and insight. The voice of Barbara Walters announcing “This is 2020” keeps ringing in my head. Thanks to a newsletter I read earlier today that mentioned it. I can hardly believe we are here. January 1st, 2020.

Today is Day 1.

Last night Paul got off work at 11pm. He made it home just in time to watch the ball drop with me and share a champagne toast together. Several years ago we started a tradition of each writing a wish for the upcoming year on a tiny piece of paper. Then with only seconds left to midnight, we burn the papers. We drink down the remaining bits of ash in our glasses of champagne before the final second. Then we kiss! We weren’t sure he would get off work in time last night to celebrate. So we were incredibly happy and thankful we got to ring in another year together.

The New Year always holds a special kind of anticipation unlike any other time of year for me. Sipping my champagne last night, I noticed in a moment the perfect tiny crescendo of bubbles and I thought – THIS!

This is how the New Year feels bubbling up inside me.

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Typically I choose a word of the year. I set resolutions for myself, meet with my husband to set our goals for parenting and marriage and money. We build the beginning of a roadmap to guide our year ahead. Well, that’s the condensed version of it. I’m a lover of lists, of organizing chaos, of harnessing potential. Right now I’m knee deep in the 2020 Unravel Your Year workbook by Susannah Conway (a free download I do every year!). I’ve been working on a list of books I want to read. And my plans for goal-setting this year (here’s what I started last year).

It takes energy and quiet space and more often than not, a few days to hash it all out. Energy and quiet being things that feel precious and rare in this season of our lives.

For me, the process of trying to harness all of the potential of a new year takes grace and patience. And most importantly – ACTION. Most days I get caught up in my mind and forget that action is the best starting place. I find myself in a perpetual state of mentally planning. Studying and researching, organizing how I will start, or how to lay out new ideas. The actual start, the action of beginning, is often caught in the procrastinating perfectionist tangle of all of my thoughts.

Tonight at 8:30pm I sat down for the first moment I had to myself all day. I was a little discouraged. I haven’t decided on my Word of the Year yet (I’ve got a good idea, just not ready to commit!). My goals aren’t laid out yet in any organized fashion that I can share with you. I don’t have things planned out like I want them to be. This blog post isn’t what I thought I would be writing on January 1st. Geez, I haven’t even gotten my Christmas Cards printed/ordered yet (they’ll be coming out as Valentine’s cards at this rate)!!

But two hours later I realize… I’m okay with all of those things.

Today is just today. The whole month, the whole year, heck – the whole damn DECADE is unfolding before me and today is just the beginning! I’m here. I showed up today and I know I’ll keep showing up because that I’ve already committed to. The process is part of the fun and magic of this whole New Year experience for me. I don’t need to ruin that by getting all in a tizzy over not having it all together yet.

Starting this blog has been an amazing reminder and lesson on trusting the process. I can’t wait to get back in here and connect with you more this upcoming year. It has truly been one of the best parts of 2019. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store. So today, as the new beginning is in front of me – rich with promise and eager to be pursued, I give myself grace. I have patience. And I simply START. The rest of the it will come. That I have faith in.

And since I’ve already decided that one of my New Year Resolutions is going to be an earlier bedtime – perhaps I’ll start with that!